Loneliness is a disease

Every day, I went to class in plain clothes, shuttling back and forth alone in schools, fallen streets and small hotels where I lived. I lived in seclusion and was in the downtown, but lived a country-like life. Watching TV, listening to music and occasionally turning over Books are my days. Simple, free and boring. I don’t want to be close to others. It seems that I want to be alone, or just because of lack of confidence. Every time the landlady sees me, she says that you are such a good boy. She keeps herself in the house all day long. How about working hard? Oh, but she didn’t know. In fact, I almost fell asleep every day, even if I went to the roof to collect clothes every evening, feeling the cool wind and watching the neon lights on the other side of Xiangjiang River, I always feel loneliness that I have never felt before. Yes, even under the quiet night sky where everything seems to be about to stop, I still feel the weakness of my life, which is just a little bit, like a speck of dust floating in the world, like a Firefly with slight light under the night sky,. There is only one person in a small room, in that simple little world, I didn’t feel the noise from this city, close to the suffocating pressure, and didn’t feel that it was too empty for me to stand alone between heaven and earth. I remember when I was very young, I secretly climbed to the crossbeam of the mud house, looked at the sky quietly, and kept wondering whether it was my fairy sister who sent me to the Earth and when she would take me back, but wearing a white long coat, I walked away in a mist. It was just over, and I forgot it again, because I had a new game with my playmate, which attracted my attention. It was not until the next time my mother scolded me, or when she climbed up secretly alone at home that she would think of what I had been longing for last time. Now I think that at those times I am may be a little lonely. When I am lonely, as long as someone comes to accompany me, I will not feel it and forget it. Alone is not lonely. I didn’t know what loneliness was until I grew up and walked out of the countryside. Loneliness is that even if you are in the sea of people, you still feel that you are the only one standing in the world. No one can talk, talk and rely on. A woman once told me her story. She was wandering in the city. Because of loneliness, she wanted to find a man to comfort her, so she had to rely on her, he had a warm chest when he was sad and a comforting shoulder when he cried, but he was hurt in the end. Another boy told me that he was in a foreign land and found a woman to accompany him because of loneliness, thus he found the feeling of being like home, there was a gentle Dreamland in the boring life, and someone washed clothes, but in the end they found that they didn’t love her. Yes, it was just a love between two cold kittens, who were warm to each other under the attack of loneliness. Although we are lonely, it does not affect our normal life. People keep their inner loneliness, working, eating, making friends and shuttling through every corner of the city as usual. This is a free and commercial society. We just have a temporary intersection because of the freedom of production and sale of human beings. For example, I can tell the cashier of a certain store to pay the bill, but I would never greet a strange man or woman under the eaves of a coffee house. The reason is very simple, because I don’t know each other. This reminded me of my life when I went back to my hometown during the holiday. My mother told me that on every country road in that village, I had to say hello to everyone I met, even if only because he knew my father or mother, otherwise he would say that a child as big as me was impolite. Loneliness is a kind of disease, which originates from this city and growth. However, we have to live in the city, being forced to grow up, growing up day by day, taller and beautiful day by day; But we are lonely and lonely in our hearts. I accidentally saw a TV program called Fengyun in the sleepless night. I like a woman who is not beautiful but elegant, holding a guitar, she sang a nice song in a slightly hoarse voice. Her name was Cha Kexin. In this lonely city, I just hid myself in an unknown house. If you don’t look at the night sky outside the window, the sad or warm neon lights, and the people swimming in the red wine, you can only turn on the TV or radio to find a favorite channel when you lose sleep in the early morning, listen to clean music and beautiful thoughts.

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