Summer of melancholy

After knocking the keyboard for several hours, the neck and shoulders were sleepy and sour. It was already summer, and the sweater on my body still couldn’t resist the cold of the room. Standing on the balcony and looking at it, the sky was gray, and the mountains on the opposite side were somewhat melancholy in silence. At the folds of the mountains, those white snow which was not willing to melt showed its difference. In the field surrounded by mountains, there is a layer of sparse green. The poplar trees downstairs were swaying with light green leaves, and it was a little bleak in the cold. I didn’t know where to hide the warmth of summer. I sat down again to review the manuscript I had just finished, but I was always absent-minded, and my newly settled thoughts were disturbed by the current tense situation in the South China Sea. As a citizen of a country, I hope that my motherland will be strong, and I don’t want to see him being bullied by external force; As a woman, I don’t want war, I want peace, peaceful living environment; As a mother, I don’t want my son to be tested by blood and fire in the rain of bullets. I hope there is no smoke of gunpowder and no killing in the world, I hope all the people in the world can live a peaceful life. But as the situation became severe day by day, my heart was gripped tightly. I am the mother of a Navy soldier. Over the past few days, I watched the news program uneasily and paid attention to the situation in the South China Sea. When my son chose to go to the Military Academy at the beginning, I was totally aware of the duty a soldier performed, but I also thought luckily that the probability of war in peacetime should be very small. But the peace and peace we want are not necessarily what others want. Every night when the military commentator in the military report column appeared in the TV program, I held my breath and listened quietly. When it came to beating or not, my husband shouted at the top of his voice to beat! Why not fight! Hey, I also fought back loudly. What kind of fight? If you are anxious, you can fight. The husband scolded me because your son is a soldier how many Chinese soldiers are there, and their families are all like you. Are you still sitting at home watching TV? I replied irrationally to others. I can’t control them. I just oppose the war! Just when the quarrel was over, the phone rang Mom, what are you doing now? My son’s calm voice came from the other side of the phone. I felt nervous and tried our best to watch TV in a peaceful tone. How are you? Are you busy recently? I mentioned the situation in the South China Sea cautiously and wanted to listen to my son’s words, while he answered his mother calmly, “it’s okay, you can rest assured! At this time, I really want my son to stay by my side. I want my whole family to stay together. Maybe it was because of the cold room, my body was shivering, and tears overflowing in my eyes were forced down by me. I still told my son, well, do your job well and take good care of yourself. My daughter, who has been married for two years, called to tell her that she was pregnant, hearing the news, I was so excited that I almost jumped up and started to work with endless energy. I kept humming a little song. In one’s life, the happiest thing for people is the well-being of parents and relatives and the achievement of children’s career. I held my worries about my son in my arms and followed the call of happiness to visit my daughter in the plateau. The moment I saw my daughter, I felt that she was much more mature. The sweet smile contained the happiness and yearning of being a mother. My daughter nestled beside me, as before, holding my arms with both hands Mom, how long did you feel when I was in your belly? The past events flashed before my eyes like the scenes of movies. In that spring more than twenty years ago, when I found myself pregnant, I was both surprised and worried. Holding the bulging belly day by day, when I was 7 or 8 months old, the little guy who stayed in the womb became restless and kicked me with small feet from time to time. Although I feel uncomfortable and even nervous, I still feel warm in my heart, which is looking forward to the happiness and sweetness of being a mother. In the golden autumn and October, a succulent little life was born. From then on, I became a real mother. Everyone has his own life dream. My dream is that I hope my children will live happily, grow healthily, live happily, get higher education and do jobs that suit their talents and interests, build a happy family and cultivate excellent children. My wish was gradually realized, and my children and daughters stepped on the journey of life step by step. From work to marriage, my daughter is relatively ideal and satisfied, so I expect her to have a healthy baby, so that her life can be considered complete. Our family of four live in cities of three different provinces. I can’t stay with my daughter for a long time to take care of her, so I can only spare time to come over. I gave a lot of exhortations and exhortations, nagged many matters that should be paid attention to during pregnancy and told me to do regular prenatal examination and so on. I would return to my home to take full care of my husband who led the students to sprint for the college entrance examination. As a husband and mother, I don’t seem to belong to myself anymore. Only when I sit down and devote myself to writing can I truly feel that I am belongs to me. Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine the road I have traveled in these years, which is bumpy, tortuous and calm. The figure I trudged and the deep footprints I left in the mud can be clearly seen. In the past ups and downs, I am touched and happy, and have my hardship and bitterness. I began to plan my yearning for the future and hope and sustenance for the next generation in my heart. That night was the most devoted time for me in the writing center recently. There seemed to be thousands of words to pour out in my chest. I expressed all kinds of feelings and experiences buried in my heart to the screen, knocking on the picturesque scene that floated in front of us like floating clouds in the past years, like fog and dream, freely and comfortably. Outside the window, the raindrops knocked on the window glass, and I heard the sigh of heavy raindrops falling to the ground. Yes, since the beginning of summer, the weather has hardly revealed a smiling face. The green of summer is hidden in the gloomy atmosphere. The flowers look at the gray weather disappointedly and hide under the branches and leaves shyly, the grass curled up with thin buds, unwilling to put on new clothes for the Earth. Although I was surrounded by cold, I was filled with incomparable happiness and happiness in my heart, thinking around slowly in this cool summer night. The hour hand pointed to 22:30, and it was time for my husband to go home. I stood up and stretched my stiff body, looking around the quiet room, only the ticking of the clock and my heartbeat. I picked up the phone and felt a little anxious. I really wanted to find someone to talk to, even if it was a quarrel. Depressed for a while, I ‘d better call my daughter. After dialing the phone, I lowered my voice, and did I have a rest? How do I feel recently? There was a pause, Mom. I was fine, but this child was out of luck with us. It had already flowed. My mind was buzzing, like pouring a basin of cold water from head to foot. Why was it like this? My daughter said some comforting words on the phone, but I didn’t hear a word clearly. I understood that her heart was more uncomfortable than anyone else, but she didn’t want to burden us. My husband who came home from work was poured like a drowned rat by rain all over his body. When he saw me with tears in his eyes, he stared at me without worrying about changing clothes. After knowing the reason of the matter, it didn’t matter if he sighed gently. Their young and dull voice was like a stone, pressing heavily on my heart. Long night, long night, I have never felt such a long night. My husband around me had already entered my dream with even snores. I tossed and turned and couldn’t close my eyes. There was a voice in my mind complaining that as a mother, you didn’t fulfill your responsibility before dawn, I got up and prepared to enter the plateau. However, God was against me on purpose. It seemed that the heavy rain last night had never stopped. The sky was gloomy and low. It seemed that a rain curtain was pulled between the heaven and the Earth, and the rain flowed down along the eaves. I was so worried that what should I do? Will the shuttle bus pass through the mountains in such a weather? In a hurry, I called the station to inquire. Fortunately, today’s ticket was sold yesterday, and the shuttle bus must leave the station unless the dabanshan tunnel was closed. The rain was getting heavier and heavier, and the raindrops fell down, beating the umbrella on my head, and then the falling raindrops sank into my clothes, which made me feel a deep chill. My husband saw me off with an umbrella, but his clothes had been drenched by the rain, and the water on his face flowed straight to his neck, looking at him who was closely connected in the wind and rain, although I walked in the wind and rain with frustration, I still felt the warmth left in my heart. When the car left the station, my husband still stood in the wind and rain waving to me. Through the window glass, I looked at his anxious expression. The car soon entered the flat Dukou Canyon, and the rain gradually decreased. The mountains on both sides were washed clear and bright by the rain. Although it entered the summer, the towering mountain top was still covered with snow, and the vast grassland seemed to drag the tail of spring tightly and refused to give up. The mountains are clipped together, the cliffs are dangerous, and the water flowing at the bottom of the Valley breaks through the tranquility of the valley, echoing in my ears, and my heart rises and falls with the rugged mountain road. There was still a gray sky above my head, and I could hardly see a little blue. Some floating clouds were silent. The shrubs on the hillside are sparse, with light cyan, which makes them look pitiful, just like the old man’s hair. Just the people who gathered on the hillside to dig Cordyceps, just like the sheep and cattle, they dug out the black soil in the mountain body with the shiny shovel and sharp digging hoe in their hands, looking for Cordyceps sinensis with eyes full of desire, I saw pairs of big hands seemed to be in the vein of the broken Mountain, pulling the shank of the mountain, and I felt the whole mountain as if its body was trembling and twitching. The simple tents scattered at the foot of the mountain were skew, howling sadly in the cold wind, venting their dissatisfaction with the owner. Human beings, devoured by money and interests, are destroying their living homes step by step with their own hands. The car finally climbed to the top of the Daban Mountain. A Daban Mountain divides the plateau and Hexi corridor into two pieces of heaven and earth. On this side of the mountain is the blue sky, and the fragrance of grass and warm plateau sunshine come from the gap of the car window. My mood became more and more cheerful with the extended peak. To be honest, what I thought most along the way was what would happen to my daughter when she saw me? I burst into tears in my arms, lying on the bed listlessly, still complaining about my conjecture, which made me embarrassed. But beyond my expectation, my daughter was neither lying on the bed nor as fragile as I imagined. She still greeted me with a smile, but her face was pale and gloomy, deep in those big eyes is the sadness that only I can feel. She held my arm, but comforted my mother. Don’t be sad. I’m still young. It’s okay. Sooner or later, it will be the same. You can still write for a few years at ease. What do you say, I would rather not write, but also make you happy. I gave my daughter a pitiful glance. A kind of sour and astringent smell surged in my heart. What’s the use of writing? What can I do if the written words are published? In the eyes of many people, only fools and unsociable people write and make ink, and I unconsciously get involved in this rank. To be honest, I was a little excited when I saw my own words turned into lead and printed on newspapers and magazines. However, with the popularity of the Internet and the chaotic management of the cultural publishing market, erotic and martial arts novels came first, the classic works were put aside on the bookshelf and suffered from coldness. Who responded to those mother-in-law words I wrote? What can the undeserved reputation of writers association bring to me? My husband, my child, they respect my hobbies and pursuits and fully support my writing in order to make my life more fulfilling and happier. For the happiness and career of my children, I really want to stop writing when I use it, but because of my beloved family affection and many people and things that move or sympathize me in the world, I can’t help expressing my inner feelings and promoting good and evil beauty and ugliness in the world. Just like me tonight, I feel much more comfortable when I write to this moment Like (prose editor: Ke Er) the snow in spring Spring elimination snow, multi-the yao nian, unspoken. Reading from afar, it is just above that snowfield. The snow is really beautiful, after all it is spring… Waiting Waiting is a kind of persistence, sticking to a certain belief and never giving up. 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