Loneliness is a disease

Every day, I went to class in plain clothes, shuttling back and forth alone in schools, fallen streets and small hotels where I lived. I lived in seclusion and was in the downtown, but lived a country-like life. Watching TV, listening to music and occasionally turning over Books are my days. Simple, free and boring. I don’t want to be close to others. It seems that I want to be alone, or just because of lack of confidence. Every time the landlady sees me, she says that you are such a good boy. She keeps herself in the house all day long. How about working hard? Oh, but she didn’t know. In fact, I almost fell asleep every day, even if I went to the roof to collect clothes every evening, feeling the cool wind and watching the neon lights on the other side of Xiangjiang River, I always feel loneliness that I have never felt before. Yes, even under the quiet night sky where everything seems to be about to stop, I still feel the weakness of my life, which is just a little bit, like a speck of dust floating in the world, like a Firefly with slight light under the night sky,. There is only one person in a small room, in that simple little world, I didn’t feel the noise from this city, close to the suffocating pressure, and didn’t feel that it was too empty for me to stand alone between heaven and earth. I remember when I was very young, I secretly climbed to the crossbeam of the mud house, looked at the sky quietly, and kept wondering whether it was my fairy sister who sent me to the Earth and when she would take me back, but wearing a white long coat, I walked away in a mist. It was just over, and I forgot it again, because I had a new game with my playmate, which attracted my attention. It was not until the next time my mother scolded me, or when she climbed up secretly alone at home that she would think of what I had been longing for last time. Now I think that at those times I am may be a little lonely. When I am lonely, as long as someone comes to accompany me, I will not feel it and forget it. Alone is not lonely. I didn’t know what loneliness was until I grew up and walked out of the countryside. Loneliness is that even if you are in the sea of people, you still feel that you are the only one standing in the world. No one can talk, talk and rely on. A woman once told me her story. She was wandering in the city. Because of loneliness, she wanted to find a man to comfort her, so she had to rely on her, he had a warm chest when he was sad and a comforting shoulder when he cried, but he was hurt in the end. Another boy told me that he was in a foreign land and found a woman to accompany him because of loneliness, thus he found the feeling of being like home, there was a gentle Dreamland in the boring life, and someone washed clothes, but in the end they found that they didn’t love her. Yes, it was just a love between two cold kittens, who were warm to each other under the attack of loneliness. Although we are lonely, it does not affect our normal life. People keep their inner loneliness, working, eating, making friends and shuttling through every corner of the city as usual. This is a free and commercial society. We just have a temporary intersection because of the freedom of production and sale of human beings. For example, I can tell the cashier of a certain store to pay the bill, but I would never greet a strange man or woman under the eaves of a coffee house. The reason is very simple, because I don’t know each other. This reminded me of my life when I went back to my hometown during the holiday. My mother told me that on every country road in that village, I had to say hello to everyone I met, even if only because he knew my father or mother, otherwise he would say that a child as big as me was impolite. Loneliness is a kind of disease, which originates from this city and growth. However, we have to live in the city, being forced to grow up, growing up day by day, taller and beautiful day by day; But we are lonely and lonely in our hearts. I accidentally saw a TV program called Fengyun in the sleepless night. I like a woman who is not beautiful but elegant, holding a guitar, she sang a nice song in a slightly hoarse voice. Her name was Cha Kexin. In this lonely city, I just hid myself in an unknown house. If you don’t look at the night sky outside the window, the sad or warm neon lights, and the people swimming in the red wine, you can only turn on the TV or radio to find a favorite channel when you lose sleep in the early morning, listen to clean music and beautiful thoughts. Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) change the way to continue to stay with this city I went out at 6 o’clock in the morning and came back at almost 8 o’clock in the evening. From beginning to end, I only welcomed myself with silence; Since I went to college, on weekends… [Original essay] string words Since winter, the sky is dry and the snow is misty. The whole earth is desolate and empty. Whether your mood is like a year, or… Forever military dream Forever military Dream (Ma Xiaochun, Kangle county, Gansu province) memories are like meteors, passing through the unmarked and blurred eyes, and the outline gradually… Spring rain I like spring rain like everything on the Earth. Just after the new year, the sky began to rain. I really like the spring in Jiangnan… Plucked the snowflakes of Dreams (modified) Near the new year, the first snow fell. I was surprised to read a long scroll in the morning, the white one is snow, and the gray one is tree… Self The fashion is transient, and the style is permanent. Things that can shine on others may not be put here. In…

Soil

I planted two pots of water-dropping Avalokitesvara, which were extremely luxuriant and crowded together. I always felt a little cramped and not stretchy enough; I wanted to divide the pots, but it was a pity that there was no soil to hold; I rode a long distance, just at the edge of the road which was being expanded, I got two bags of soil back; I was panting and moving upstairs. When I was feeling sweating like a pig, I suddenly remembered Mr. Qin Mu’s prose “land”. Countless people eulogize the touching feelings of the land; Nowadays, many people are gradually losing the land, having less intimate contact with the land, and unable to perceive the fragrance of the soil and the touching atmosphere of life flowing on the land, not to mention getting married and enjoying the happy taste of sowing and harvest; Without the land, even the soil planted with three or five pots of flowers and plants had to reach out to other people’s places to fetch, which was really an unspeakable entanglement. I can’t help sighing when I usually see some old gentlemen and old ladies picking out a small piece of land with a big slap at the gap of green belts on both sides of the road and planting some green beans and vegetables; although the old man and the old woman lived in the newly-built community, they did not need to deal with mud all day long, but the soil complex in their hearts did not completely fade away; They worked tirelessly and planted three or five seasonal vegetables, to cope with the current high prices, first of all, they have the kindness to the soil from their hearts and the habit of reaping fruits from the soil. They are reluctant to give up the joy of planting spring and harvest in their hearts. It happened that in reality, many people no longer own land. The rapid development of the city determines the orderly expansion of the city. Whether it is production, life or urban construction, a large amount of land is needed; Specifically speaking, it is necessary to build factory buildings and residential areas. Land is also needed for urban transportation, and all facilities matched with urban functions need land; Although a lot of land will be removed for centralized use while resources are integrated, but only this part is far from enough; This means that every year there will be a part of the land that farmers depend on for their survival being expropriated; Although the government will try its best to settle down farmers who lost their lands, leading the second entrepreneurship, but the soil feelings deeply rooted in their hearts will not be eliminated immediately because of this. Of course, there is no sadness of looking back one step at a time, however, the inner heart’s unwillingness and mixed complex emotions make them feel embarrassed when the Earth and the city are changing with each passing day; That kind of feelings, those experiences, are not personal experiences, where can I really understand. In another case, with the acceleration of urbanization construction, some farmers in villages and towns gradually moved away from the villages that used to live against the mountain and gradually moved closer to both sides of the highway with convenient transportation, people walk into the grass. Naturally, the terraces and mountains that originally carried the days have become the stage of indulgence of Weeds. The mountains that should have grown sorghum, soybeans, wheat and sweet potatoes are all swaying weeds, the paddy field which should have been Green has also become the world of aquatic plants. No one cares about the wasteland in the long grass color. It has to be lamented and helpless. Because of the pursuit of life, unconsciously cut off the connection with the soil, I really dare not imagine that in some dreams of the old and the young, will they still see the scene of wheat waves rolling and the Harvest full of rice, their hearts, will it overspread the smell of earth, and will those days when the green trees were really attached to people have sweet memories in my heart. The most uncomfortable thing is nothing more than the group of men and women who leave their own land aside and seek livelihood far away; People work hard in other places, their own land and their own homes are becoming desolated day by day, there was no sound in their inner hearts, and the wind and smoke of the city made them think of the place where they took root from time to time, and the land where they once had hope in their hearts, recalling my endless aftertaste of home, it happened that I couldn’t go back again. The pressure of life fell on my shoulders. I had to clench my teeth and deal with the following days on the edge of the city or the city, land, or soil, is only the sustenance in the heart, and a kind of relief during self-comfort. As for the yellow spines of Artemisia annua and the weeds and vines on the land, we can only sigh and feel helpless! Our ancestors said that we could not help asking how our roots would grow without the nourishment of the land and the kindness and memory of the soil. I was really worried that one day, we live in the flashy city and can’t touch the smell of soil. We can’t even distinguish anything from rice, wheat, cotton and oil. We really lose our attachment to and awe of the land, the perception and kindness of soil. I hope that this is just alarmist; I also hope that the Earth will, as always, in everyone’s heart, burst out the call of life, which is still full of vitality of life. Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) change the way to continue to stay with this city I went out at 6 o’clock in the morning and came back at almost 8 o’clock in the evening. From beginning to end, I only welcomed myself with silence; Since I went to college, on weekends… [Original essay] string words Since winter, the sky is dry and the snow is misty. The whole earth is desolate and empty. Whether your mood is like a year, or… Forever military dream Forever military Dream (Ma Xiaochun, Kangle county, Gansu province) memories are like meteors, passing through the unmarked and blurred eyes, and the outline gradually… Spring rain I like spring rain like everything on the Earth. Just after the new year, the sky began to rain. I really like the spring in Jiangnan… Plucked the snowflakes of Dreams (modified) Near the new year, the first snow fell. I was surprised to read a long scroll in the morning, the white one is snow, and the gray one is tree… Self The fashion is transient, and the style is permanent. Things that can shine on others may not be put here. In…