Quiet

I seldom feel quiet, as if it was a very distant thing, as if it was a golden crown on the head of a generation of kings, as if it was a rare and precious metal from another planet at midnight when the spring rain was drizzling, with a pair of sleepless eyes opened, listening to the company of a female host on the radio until dawn, a restless heart became more and more quiet. So I thought, how many people tossed and turned in the depth of midnight? How many souls can’t fall into dreams after being washed by the world of mortals? Then I thought of my distant childhood, as well as distant villages and summer. When I was young, I could open a pair of eyes that were not soaked by the red dust and overlook the starry night sky, listening to the sound of cicadas in the green trees, the young heart seemed to calm down at that moment. In the sweet and vigorous sleep of the night, I dreamed of stars all over the sky and summer cicada’s tireless dance. I didn’t know when I was on the journey and began to suffer from insomnia all night, the melancholy heart was like a heavy roller, which almost suffocated me. When life enters my mind from different directions, when my thoughts accumulate into dust that cannot be cleared, I can’t calm myself down and do what I want to do as I wish, concentrated concentration has become a passing cloud, and it is replaced by absent-minded or unconscious. When endless reverie gathers in my heart, my thoughts are becoming a weird low shrub, all my longings and dreams are covered in this endless shadow. It is undeniable that I feel strange to myself, as if my soul is passing through, is escaping from the palm of my will. The heart was floating at that moment, just like the clouds on the horizon, which could not find the destination and direction. The quietness gradually faded away, and it had become the fairy tale of young people. After reading Zhou Guoping’s essay “quiet”, what I got was a moment of silence and continuous meditation. I didn’t find a real panacea. My brain was like a bomb that could explode at any time! Although I know quietness is a realm of life and a kind of elegant and healthy mental state, I am a wild horse that can’t control the running thoughts. It was not until one day when I saw a temple and an old monk chanting sutras in the wild mountains far away from the hustle and bustle of the city that I truly realized the secret of quietness. Although I couldn’t keep the six roots clean, I was still much empty. I tried my best to refuse the desire of suffering for gain and loss and constant expansion, and let my thoughts belong to the simple and pure original ecology, so that I could feel relieved, only in this way can we fall into a peaceful realm again. Once upon a time, I was driven by the monster of desire and ran wildly in the messy Mire. Facing the immortal old monk, I understood the meaning of Zen, and even more understood the calm and natural coolness of my heart. Then let the heart clean up, empty and empty, let the barren thoughts roll aside, what I need is real thinking and life. This night, I dreamed of the starry sky of my hometown that I had not seen for a long time, and heard the joy of summer cicada floating from the green trees. I really slept quietly, in the wonderful Dreamtalk, I met again completely in my childhood when I went far away. Of course, this is not an end, but a brand new beginning.

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