Duckweed

Once, I always felt that I owed something to others, which confused me for a long time. In the cold and lonely rainy night of Jinhua middle school, I stayed up for a long night and thought hard. The conclusion I got was: long before that, I had never finished a promise to myself. Moreover, this wish continues to grow and expand with the growth of knowledge and the broadening of Horizon. Therefore, on one hand, it was the desire of expanding day by day, on the other hand, I didn’t see any ability and result of growth. A pair of contradictory struggles made me uneasy. People who are unpromising will always find reasons to release themselves easily. I confessed myself with no talent and no diligence, and finally ended that wish hastily. But people always have to have some wishes to live. I came up with a new wish from my daily work, that is, to be a good teacher. With this wish, immediate results have been achieved frequently. Starting from getting the recognition of colleagues, students and parents, the excellent head teacher who has won the recognition of advanced individuals in the county education system and the county Party committee government, the forms of excellent teachers from poor areas jointly recognized by Ningxia and Fujian Education Commission pushed my pursuit and confidence of this wish to the extreme. Following this road, my wish to be a good teacher may come true. Because I saw my increasingly tall figure from the childish and sincere eyes of the students, and I saw praise and expectation from the eyes of those poor peasants who were only honest. I blame all the changes later and a series of serious consequences caused by them for writing a material for the school. In fact, this is not the root cause. The most fundamental reason is that I lack the patience to be a teacher and the persistence to my own wishes until now, I realized that, boring and long-term obscurity are such a big test for people. I have not withstood this kind of test. I want to be eye-catching, and I want to jump out of many people of the same kind who seem a little wretched and sloppy. This is the reason why I took the handwritten material and tried my best to write it enough to make people look at me with new eyes. The next road, I knew it was a road that I could never reach the end. If I walked along that road, I would even find who I was, but on the one hand, I was under intense threat, on the one hand, in order to gain a firm foothold in a new unit and gain my own living status in front of a group of new leaders and colleagues, I also have vulgar ideas showing my skills. Now think about it, this is a way to cater to people’s own bad habits, because it seems extremely smooth at the beginning. In that small school, because the headmaster made comments in front of all the teachers and students in his cadence and forceful tone, he explained a series of thoughts and views about education in a simple way, at the same time of being fully implemented by teachers and students, I became famous for a while. The headmaster became a complete theoretical viewpoint of managing the school because his own opinions were fully elaborated, played and rendered. He seemed very satisfied and appreciated me a lot. However, my colleagues’ private discussions and the Half-mixed approval when facing me once made me feel flattered. Vanity is common to everyone, but for me, it is a gentle trap. In the applause, I walked into this trap step by step and it is difficult for me to get out of it forever. I told others again and again that I was weak in fame and wealth. Maybe I really didn’t do anything for the benefit of flying head, but there is no doubt that I have been working hard for that false name for several years. Finally, I was tired of all this, because what was written into my official documents word by word was not my ideal, my thought or my opinion. It seems to be so grandiose words, even if I have a joke with my classmates in class, I have never met anyone who regards writing materials as his lifelong career. So, is this my career? I thought of turning back and returning to my starting point of being a teacher who can guide students correctly and be respected by them, or relying on my own ability of keeping writing diaries for more than ten years, the starting point of being a third-rate writer is too late. No leader is willing to let such a familiar writer of materials become a teacher; too much material thinking destroyed a few artistic cells. Since then, my language has only been analyzed by dry route, policy and policy without emotional and poetic soul exposure. The wish was crushed and stepped into the dirty soil. The false glory was a flash in the pan without any bright colors. What should my life support? The life like Walking Dead will be very simple, that is to go with the flow, that is, people follow the clouds. I will do what others do, and I will do what others say. I left the platform dejectedly, the land which had lived for 40 years and struggled for 20 years. I have nothing here. In other people’s eyes, it is a dull potato just dug out from the barren soil of Lund, he was looking at this extremely wonderful and rich world with his timid eyes. In my own eyes, the whole body is a vast and bottomless water area surging by turbid current. I don’t know where I am, where my roots are rooted and where my seedlings are heading. I once looked down upon those people who were busy for money all day long, and thought their pursuits were too vulgar. Now, I suddenly feel that I am even inferior to these people. After all, their busyness has a purpose, and my busyness even has no such vulgar purpose. In history, in books and in reality, some people are depressed because of their failure; Some people are willing to be mediocre because of their unambitious ambition; Some people are depressed and depressed because of their unwillable ambitions and go to the opposite side of their past, and they are willing to fall, life is not only a mass of flesh and blood that can eat, sleep, joy, anger, sorrow, life, old age, illness and death, but also a wish of constant, seeking tears and bleeding for it. This wish is called ideal. Without this wish, I would be as mediocre as I am, looking around at a loss, having no fixed point in my heart and wandering like duckweed. With this wish, a brand new sun will rise every day. Every breath will bring fragrance to the world, struggling until Flowers Bloom, that is a brilliant spring!

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