Where to put that missing heart

As I grow older, my parents’ health declines day by day. This is a natural rule. I have to learn to accept it, but this kind of acceptance makes me feel uncomfortable. Last week, my mother was dizzy, so she went to the hospital for examination on Friday. After hearing the condition, the doctor asked her to be hospitalized for examination. A few years ago, my father was seriously ill, and his body couldn’t move freely. My younger brother was far away from the south, far away from the previous day, so he arranged my mother to have lunch and cook for my father, I ran back to the hospital to get my mother to check. I was so tired that my eyelids were fighting straight, so sleepy and sleepy. My mother always said that she could do it by herself. The hospital was full of twists and turns. I turned a little bit. My mother couldn’t identify the direction. I was really worried and went to the hospital to see my mother every day. Due to the improper arrangement of nurses, the hospital beds were in conflict. The nurse leader led us to the second floor to see another bed. The first floor was already quiet, and the second floor was even quiet without sound, which made us feel deeply lonely, I felt that I didn’t want to stay at all. My mother even showed anxiety and fear. Out of my inner feelings, even if it was a little crowded, my mother still chose to be an old man in the downstairs ward, and no one came and went, there was no noise either. Walking in the corridor of the ward, the voice was so quiet, the light was dim, and the time seemed to stop flowing, which made people feel depressed. Every day I accompanied my mother in the hospital, and my husband took care of the children, it feels like the only child fighting alone these two days, I have something to do, aunt came to look after my mother, she is also nearly seventy people, a few months ago just had a major surgery, looking at Aunt gray hair, I couldn’t tell how uncomfortable I felt in my heart. My body had reached the limit of endurance, so I inquired about the cost of nursing workers. One day was 100 yuan, and the whole day was 140 yuan. After calculation, it only costs 3000 yuan for a month, 4200 Yuan for a whole day. After living for a month, my mother was discharged from hospital, and the residential area where my parents lived, the population is also aging. Most of them are six or seven years old. After the peak of work and school, the yard is quiet without the cries of children and the figure of young people, only the old people walked hard in the yard. My heart was worried about my parents all the time. I was afraid that they would fall down and no one would be in front of them. I was afraid that they would not be able to make a phone call. The old people in the yard also had, but it doesn’t last long. There are many negative reports from the media in nursing homes, so I dare not and don’t worry about letting my parents go. When I was young, my parents grew up with me. Now they are old. Work, children and family make me too busy to take care of them. I have more than my heart but less than my strength. Self-accusation, affliction and sadness emerged together. Heartache and heartbreaking were not that I didn’t love my parents, nor that I didn’t want my parents to live happily, but why couldn’t I feel relieved? How can my heart be calm? Where is the caring heart?

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