A aimless travel

Walking on the way back, I suddenly remembered that my father had left me for two years, and I had not left this place for two years. Calm and plain two years, just like drinking boiled water every day. Suddenly I made a decision to go out for two days anywhere. So I simply cleaned it up and rushed to the railway station. When queuing to buy tickets, I still don’t know where to go. I bought the same ticket as the previous uncle. It’s a bit ridiculous, but I don’t feel confused at all, but it seems calmer. For the first time, I was so aimless that I didn’t know where to go. Although there was a destination on the ticket, that was not what I wanted to go. Let him go. Just get off when you want to get off. When the train left the city, it was not late autumn. I saw leaves falling out of the window, but like a girl wearing a skirt in summer, who was at a loss by the wind, I don’t know where to cover my two hands. The same is my thoughts. However, after all, it will still fall. It is just from the bustling and bustling place on the tree to blend into the infinite loneliness of the Earth. Perhaps there are thousands of unique styles hidden in the mess blown by the wind. People always say that it hurts spring and sorrows autumn. This is more what we imagined, and then we spread this idea. Because people always think that autumn is just like our twilight years and will leave, so what we are sad about is not autumn, but the life that we will leave sooner or later. So we don’t have to sigh bitterly at the withered and yellow leaves or even the declining grass. When they live brightly, they never see you look more. When they are dying, why do you feel so hypocritical? They also don’t need your sympathy. What’s more, you use their solemn and stirring to express your sadness. And I also think that those early leaves were just lonely dancers who were not gorgeous when they were alive, so they committed suicide. Only then did someone know autumn for commemorating a leaf and became famous from then on. And are those poets and scholars who committed suicide so? I think going between the heaven and the Earth, loneliness is like an equation that cannot be solved, which is the most important factor for them or their suicide. I always think: keeping walking is the highest posture of life, while suicide is the most ideal way to end life. At least when someone sitting on the train was watching the leaves Dancing In The Lonely dark world outside the window, I am thought so. The leaf of Zhiqiu may be thinking, what is the meaning of staying in the same place for the whole life, and arguing with many similar people here for the end? Why bother to be sentimental? Why not die earlier. So no longer absorb the nutrition provided by the trunk, and finally go with the wind when the first autumn wind comes. I also always hope that one day I can decide the way and time of death, but it is not the right time. So we can only live, no matter how hard it is, we must live. Sitting in the car, I suddenly miss a senior sister in college, a very cheerful and generous woman. She said to me, God gave everyone a glass of water, no matter what kind of difficulties and confusion people encountered in life, as long as they picked up the cup full of water and drank it, they would put all the unhappiness in their hearts, the sufferings in life are washed clean. I smiled and said, “others give me a drop of water, but I want to return others a glass of water, so my water is always not enough to drink, and I am always thirsty. Maybe it is just like this that I always hope everyone can understand love and gratitude. I am eager for it because I can’t get it. However, it just shows the narrowness and selfishness of my love. Maybe the idea of the kindness of dripping water being reported by Yongquan is wrong, and usury in emotion will make you more suffocated. It is a more appropriate way to throw a peach and repay Li. Just like doing business, even if you are cheated, you will not owe too much, so you will not die of thirst. I think most people who like words are sensitive and suspicious, and I am certainly no exception. Sensitive and suspicious people naturally have endless troubles. Just like when I kneaded the words like rubber clay, it also dislocated the joints I kneaded and made me confused. I am still young, and I have not cultivated to the realm of being born, and I will not see through the world of mortals. Therefore, keeping walking may be the best way to untie the knot that wrongs my heart. I have to go to a wider space, which makes it easier for me to accept the world, including all the bad things. Where there is light, there must be darkness. And I must learn to accept and face it. Until facing ugliness and injustice, I can smile calmly. Maybe I can compete with those self-righteous mature ones, so as not to attract their sarcasm. Only in this way can we live well, not like the leaves of suicide in autumn. The carriage was full of people, lively and bright, but why did I stare at the endless night outside the window? Maybe this is the root of my constant pain. There is never something meaningless in this world. What exists is that you are not interested in it. Hey, where are you going? Turning around, I saw a man across the street asking a girl next to me. No matter what the purpose is, it is better than me who has no purpose. It seems that I should also find someone to ask where I am going and where should I get off? Maybe most of our lives are decided by others… Getting off anywhere is too ideal… And the ideal things are always ethereal…

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